After reaching the point of being almost 100% consumed with my application in the Family Court I am now left waiting. Waiting for THE answer to the biggest question I have ever asked in my life.
It's funny in a way how after months of carrying around the stress even though my head knows I am done my bodies physically response is still catching up. I have to remind myself that it is done now, no need for the anxiety.
I think I have been able to prepare myself the best I can for either decision, yes or no. It is more about being able to move on with life, regardless of which city I live in. Don't get me wrong I want to be home in Melbourne, but if that can't be then I know I can make the something of it here. It's just a matter of tackling the over whelming homesickness I feel sometimes.
Today I fell on edge, still awake at 11.16pm but that probably has something to do with the can of V I drank this afternoon :o/ I feel restless, like I need to go for a run, and anybody who knows me well knows I don't run!! So instead I am lying in bed, laptop on my tummy listening to music and banging away on the keyboard in the hope that I can tire myself out before my alarm goes of at 6am. And at 6am I am sure I am going to feel tired and struggle out of bed.
One comment the other day sticks out to me, made on my FB page. That I don't write with bitterness and anger. I am sure every body has their own perceptions when they read my blog, but I was actually glad to hear that it doesn't come across that way.
I do get angry and bitter, but talk myself out of it. To hold on to any negative feelings about what has happened and what has been done I believe plays into the control aspect of the domestic violence cycle. While I acknowledge those feelings of hate and sadness I try not to hold onto to them for too long. To do so would only continue the cycle of domestic violence we lived with. I believe that my children need to see me move on with my life and not hold such negativity in. Don't get me wrong when face to face with him it is a great internal struggle not to lash out, to blame him for everything. Seeing him are the times I have to use all my self control not to stoop to his level and I can feel the hate is oozing out of me. Oozing hate is no way to keep yourself looking young!!
Mind over matter, that's how I do it. Acknowledge how I feel in the moment and afterwards; right, wrong or indifferent and then find my happy place!
And today my happy place was a block of Cadburys Picnic chocolate. It has been the longest time since I have eaten chocolate and today I made up for that. All it took was 15 minutes in the waiting room to get my eyebrows waxed and BAM, half a block gone. But tomorrow who knows where I will find my happy place and that's what I love about life; you just never know :O)
Monday, 11 August 2014
Sunday, 10 August 2014
INTENSE
What a week. The week I had spent many hours in the middle of the night awake thinking about for the last 10 months.
I was terrified of how it would be. The hearing was for relocation to Melbourne and at the last minute I also applied for full custody, and for the Judge to give me the guardianship rights to organise school and any care arrangements needed for DS week to week. These things normally need to be organsied by the parents together but I had a strong case as to the detrimental effect this would have on DS given his fathers history with changing kindergartens.
I had in my head that the three day hearing would be me defending myself agaist some outrageous allegations made by him and also defending my request to return my children back to Melbourne where a better life awaits them.
I was anxious at the arrival of my mum and dad from melboure who had been called as witnesses. There were some things that I needed to tell them before the made their way to the witness stand, and these weren't easy things.
My manager at work had always known what was going on but I decided to tell my team the week before the hearing. They were all amazingly supportive with most them texting me last week-end to wish me the best of luck.
I didn't know I was capable of absorbing and coping with so much stress and anxiety as I had in the week leading up to the hearing.
Life here had been pretty ugly over the last five years and there was a lot to relive in those three days for the sake of the judge. Most of it written here in my blog, but like always not everything is here. Some things that are still held in my head and heart I can't yet let out, and have never told anybody.
I had represented myself up to the last week of July, this was to reduce costs as I am barely able to meet the fortnightly payments I am making to my lawyer. He has been there the whole ten months just waiting to jump in at the last minute.
He is amazing ... human. He had prepared me for the worst and hugged me at the end. I know it's his job and I am paying him, but this guy cared. He cared for what was right for the children and what was right for me. He was organised, prepared and super smart. He nailed it like an episode of Boston Legal.
The hearing had been set for three days, with nine witnesses; some professionals and the remainder us and family. There were three lawyers; mine, his and DS was represented as well. The Judge we had seen before and knew our case well.
By lunch time on the first day I knew I was going to me ok. Although I was feeling OK I never let my guard down. I was always waiting for that moment that would make my tummy turn and the tears start. There were no tears at all through the whole process.
Things were focused on the domestic violence that the children and I had lived with. As well as the in-stable environment that he had created for DS. I wasn't cross examined for as long as I thought nor were the questions as bad as I had prepared myself for. My parents time was also minimal.
Alot of time was spent with him and his parents, made to accept as individuals that their behaviour had been harassment and his father asked had he ever apologised to me for what he had put me through.
The feeling of justice and liberty is indescribable. For years I had listened to him blame me for everything. Regardless of the outcome to relocate this has been an amazing part of the journey to healing. That it was acknowledged and recorded that he and his family behaviour was wrong. So wrong that it has and will have an impact on the children. If nothing else maybe it will deter them from behaving this way again with my family.
The Judge will take till the end of the month to make a decision. If he grants my application to relocate there is an appeals process that he can go through. I am pretty much expecting that to happen. My lawyer and I have already started discussing our plan for that outcome.
Regardless of what the next few weeks may bring, I feel free.
Please feel free to share my blog, my story. It may give somebody the courage to fight when they didn't think that they could.
I was terrified of how it would be. The hearing was for relocation to Melbourne and at the last minute I also applied for full custody, and for the Judge to give me the guardianship rights to organise school and any care arrangements needed for DS week to week. These things normally need to be organsied by the parents together but I had a strong case as to the detrimental effect this would have on DS given his fathers history with changing kindergartens.
I had in my head that the three day hearing would be me defending myself agaist some outrageous allegations made by him and also defending my request to return my children back to Melbourne where a better life awaits them.
I was anxious at the arrival of my mum and dad from melboure who had been called as witnesses. There were some things that I needed to tell them before the made their way to the witness stand, and these weren't easy things.
My manager at work had always known what was going on but I decided to tell my team the week before the hearing. They were all amazingly supportive with most them texting me last week-end to wish me the best of luck.
I didn't know I was capable of absorbing and coping with so much stress and anxiety as I had in the week leading up to the hearing.
Life here had been pretty ugly over the last five years and there was a lot to relive in those three days for the sake of the judge. Most of it written here in my blog, but like always not everything is here. Some things that are still held in my head and heart I can't yet let out, and have never told anybody.
I had represented myself up to the last week of July, this was to reduce costs as I am barely able to meet the fortnightly payments I am making to my lawyer. He has been there the whole ten months just waiting to jump in at the last minute.
He is amazing ... human. He had prepared me for the worst and hugged me at the end. I know it's his job and I am paying him, but this guy cared. He cared for what was right for the children and what was right for me. He was organised, prepared and super smart. He nailed it like an episode of Boston Legal.
The hearing had been set for three days, with nine witnesses; some professionals and the remainder us and family. There were three lawyers; mine, his and DS was represented as well. The Judge we had seen before and knew our case well.
By lunch time on the first day I knew I was going to me ok. Although I was feeling OK I never let my guard down. I was always waiting for that moment that would make my tummy turn and the tears start. There were no tears at all through the whole process.
Things were focused on the domestic violence that the children and I had lived with. As well as the in-stable environment that he had created for DS. I wasn't cross examined for as long as I thought nor were the questions as bad as I had prepared myself for. My parents time was also minimal.
Alot of time was spent with him and his parents, made to accept as individuals that their behaviour had been harassment and his father asked had he ever apologised to me for what he had put me through.
The feeling of justice and liberty is indescribable. For years I had listened to him blame me for everything. Regardless of the outcome to relocate this has been an amazing part of the journey to healing. That it was acknowledged and recorded that he and his family behaviour was wrong. So wrong that it has and will have an impact on the children. If nothing else maybe it will deter them from behaving this way again with my family.
The Judge will take till the end of the month to make a decision. If he grants my application to relocate there is an appeals process that he can go through. I am pretty much expecting that to happen. My lawyer and I have already started discussing our plan for that outcome.
Regardless of what the next few weeks may bring, I feel free.
Please feel free to share my blog, my story. It may give somebody the courage to fight when they didn't think that they could.
Monday, 30 June 2014
Seventeen thousand reasons to fight
It's been a while since my last post, and many reasons why. Emotional and physical. I had been feeling so overwhelmed by everything that when I came here to write I couldn't make sense of what was in my head to get it all down.
What's changed is I have decided not to study for the rest of the year. It was just adding way to much stress to an already stressful life. So that has freed up some space in this head to concentrate on my continuing my fight to come home. And to give you all an update.
The craziness has continued with co-parenting but I shan't bore you with all the details. Lets just say that to any reasonable person what has been happening around here is pretty crazy. But all in all my main focus is DS and DD. Making sure that life is as normal for them as possible.
So we are VERY close to our final day in court, several weeks fingers crossed. At the moment they are just trying to make sure that we are all available on the dates they want the hearing to be held.
The hearing will be days long with some people flying internationally to be here to support my application.
The tittle of this post is a subtle or not so, way of saying how much this hearing is going to cost me. To this point I have represented myself but now it is getting way serious and I need to hand over to the professionals. And it is expensive. But I refuse to freak out, there is no price on being close to your family and giving your children the best environment to grow up in, so I refuse to dwell on the cost.
Do I have that much money, HELL no. This is where I am relying on the universe to help out. I have a good relationship with my lawyer and the expectations have been set regarding payment, which helps. That said he doesn't work for free. I have a job in Melbourne which gives him some comfort around my ability to continue to repay him once we move (if we move).
The cost of this will not stop me from fighting for what I believe is right, what I was promised and what is best for my children.
So the plan is to ramp up the blogging again now as this is when I need you all behind me.
What's changed is I have decided not to study for the rest of the year. It was just adding way to much stress to an already stressful life. So that has freed up some space in this head to concentrate on my continuing my fight to come home. And to give you all an update.
The craziness has continued with co-parenting but I shan't bore you with all the details. Lets just say that to any reasonable person what has been happening around here is pretty crazy. But all in all my main focus is DS and DD. Making sure that life is as normal for them as possible.
So we are VERY close to our final day in court, several weeks fingers crossed. At the moment they are just trying to make sure that we are all available on the dates they want the hearing to be held.
The hearing will be days long with some people flying internationally to be here to support my application.
The tittle of this post is a subtle or not so, way of saying how much this hearing is going to cost me. To this point I have represented myself but now it is getting way serious and I need to hand over to the professionals. And it is expensive. But I refuse to freak out, there is no price on being close to your family and giving your children the best environment to grow up in, so I refuse to dwell on the cost.
Do I have that much money, HELL no. This is where I am relying on the universe to help out. I have a good relationship with my lawyer and the expectations have been set regarding payment, which helps. That said he doesn't work for free. I have a job in Melbourne which gives him some comfort around my ability to continue to repay him once we move (if we move).
The cost of this will not stop me from fighting for what I believe is right, what I was promised and what is best for my children.
So the plan is to ramp up the blogging again now as this is when I need you all behind me.
Wednesday, 30 April 2014
Pissed
As in angry pissed, not drunk pissed.
So using a post to vent, as an hour and half after DS was due home, he still isn't.
Having had his father start the day with many phone calls about crap and now telling me we did not agree on a drop off time.
ANGRY is an understatement of how I feel right now. And I haven't felt this upset in months, so I should be grateful for that.
Why is this man such a lying decietfull douche bag. What is missing in his head to think that this is ok.
So DS is now missing out on a play date with his bestie becuase his father is a f**k wit.
I hate this feeling of extreme anger and loss of control because of somebody elses actions. Sitting here waiting with no idea when he will be home.
So over it ... so, so, so over it.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
That is all.
So using a post to vent, as an hour and half after DS was due home, he still isn't.
Having had his father start the day with many phone calls about crap and now telling me we did not agree on a drop off time.
ANGRY is an understatement of how I feel right now. And I haven't felt this upset in months, so I should be grateful for that.
Why is this man such a lying decietfull douche bag. What is missing in his head to think that this is ok.
So DS is now missing out on a play date with his bestie becuase his father is a f**k wit.
I hate this feeling of extreme anger and loss of control because of somebody elses actions. Sitting here waiting with no idea when he will be home.
So over it ... so, so, so over it.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
That is all.
Sunday, 13 April 2014
With Grace and Strength
Today marks two years since he was arrested and he was no longer living in the house with us.
DD name means with grace and DS name means with strength and this will be my next tattoo, along the side of my foot. It will say 'With Grace and Strength'. I have decided to have it on my foot as it represents both of my children and each step I make in life is for them. I make those steps with, I believe, grace and all though there have been dark days I rely on my strength to get myself and the children through.
The first week was horrible, I had to figure out how to be a full time mum with a full time job, all the while continuing to study towards my degree. I had to juggle making care arrangements for the children while also making applications in the court to stop him coming back.
But I did it. It is doable even in the hardest of circumstance like not having family close by to help me.
In two years I have completed my Diploma of Management, which is also my first year of my degree.
I have exceed at work and been recognised for it. Going to work I believe is what helped me stay sane. It was by no means easy, life was and is always hectic but it helps maintain routine. As well as the social aspect was healing not that I told anybody what was happening at the time. These days I think most people know and some even read this blog and I am comfortable with that. It is what it is, and I refuse to hide that part of my life away for the sake of others.
DD is growing into a beautiful young women, no longer tormented by him or by witnessing what he used to do to me. I have noticed a big change in her and the reinforces for me that I have done the right thing.
DS is finally settling into his new routine. And I give him all the cuddles and kisses that a little boy of his age needs when he is with me. Even though he protests most of the time, telling me to leave him alone.
I have managed to financially support this household by myself. No assistance, either government or child support. It is just me which is why it is so important that I continue to develop myself as I'm thinking these kids are only going to get more expensive the bigger they get. And I don't want for them to want for anything. I want to help them buy theirs first cars and I want to support them through university. I want to own my own home again one day, so that it is ours. So that I can decorate their bedrooms for them.
Although the last six months have seen me hit the lowest of lows, it has also given me more strength by letting you all know my story.
My life feels so different now than it did two years ago, it has more hope than it had had for the longest time. I have learnt not to keep everything in on the inside, that a problem shared is a problem halved. I have learnt not to be sad at the thought of being a single mum with two children rather to embrace our family unit for what it is, special and unique, us.
As I sit here typing I know I am only months away from knowing if we can come home. I have an awesome job to return to and a home with my parents to help me get back on my feet. Family and friends standing on the sidelines cheering us on, giving us love and strength that we are going to need to get through this.
DD name means with grace and DS name means with strength and this will be my next tattoo, along the side of my foot. It will say 'With Grace and Strength'. I have decided to have it on my foot as it represents both of my children and each step I make in life is for them. I make those steps with, I believe, grace and all though there have been dark days I rely on my strength to get myself and the children through.
The first week was horrible, I had to figure out how to be a full time mum with a full time job, all the while continuing to study towards my degree. I had to juggle making care arrangements for the children while also making applications in the court to stop him coming back.
But I did it. It is doable even in the hardest of circumstance like not having family close by to help me.
In two years I have completed my Diploma of Management, which is also my first year of my degree.
I have exceed at work and been recognised for it. Going to work I believe is what helped me stay sane. It was by no means easy, life was and is always hectic but it helps maintain routine. As well as the social aspect was healing not that I told anybody what was happening at the time. These days I think most people know and some even read this blog and I am comfortable with that. It is what it is, and I refuse to hide that part of my life away for the sake of others.
DD is growing into a beautiful young women, no longer tormented by him or by witnessing what he used to do to me. I have noticed a big change in her and the reinforces for me that I have done the right thing.
DS is finally settling into his new routine. And I give him all the cuddles and kisses that a little boy of his age needs when he is with me. Even though he protests most of the time, telling me to leave him alone.
I have managed to financially support this household by myself. No assistance, either government or child support. It is just me which is why it is so important that I continue to develop myself as I'm thinking these kids are only going to get more expensive the bigger they get. And I don't want for them to want for anything. I want to help them buy theirs first cars and I want to support them through university. I want to own my own home again one day, so that it is ours. So that I can decorate their bedrooms for them.
Although the last six months have seen me hit the lowest of lows, it has also given me more strength by letting you all know my story.
My life feels so different now than it did two years ago, it has more hope than it had had for the longest time. I have learnt not to keep everything in on the inside, that a problem shared is a problem halved. I have learnt not to be sad at the thought of being a single mum with two children rather to embrace our family unit for what it is, special and unique, us.
As I sit here typing I know I am only months away from knowing if we can come home. I have an awesome job to return to and a home with my parents to help me get back on my feet. Family and friends standing on the sidelines cheering us on, giving us love and strength that we are going to need to get through this.
Thursday, 10 April 2014
Today was Thursday
I know I have mentioned a few times how I get asked alot how do I do it, manage my life that is. Most days run pretty well and then the universe throws a day like today at me.
Waking Up
Instead of waking up to my alarm I woke up to the feeling of my PJ's getting all warm and soggy. No I didn't wet the bed but the little person next to me did. So half an hour before we needed to be up I was showering both of us and changing bed linen.
Getting Ready
It was a rare occasion that DS actually got dressed without too much fuss this morning except for a bumpy sock problem, we tried many socks the right way and inside out as well as different combinations of socks and shoes but the bumps weren't going away. I had the same issue as a kid so I didn't push the fact that it was raining and windy outside and not really a day for bare feet. I packed them in his bag and decided this morning the Kindy Teacher could deal with it.
Almost Called Emergency Services
After being up for two and half hours we were ready to leave the house. DD and I at the front door calling DS to come down stairs. No response ...
I go up stairs to find that he has closed his bedroom door then pulled out a draw so that I can't get in. I was now in the situation of trying to convince him to push the drawer back in so that I could get to him. There was only a centimeter wide gap for me to talk to him through. A strong NO was the answer I got. I spent ten minutes trying to talk him out and in my head I was thinking that my only option was to call the fire brigade. DD gave it a go offering him a teddy bear of his choice from her bedroom as well sleeping in her bed with her tonight ... NO
Sooooo I rang his father and put him on speaker phone to see if he could talk him out. Seeing as that failed I told his father that I was going to call for help. As there really was no way for me to get. His bedroom is on the second floor and the windows don't open more than a crack for safety reasons. His father said he would come over to see what he could do.
While waiting for his father DD tried again, she offered him a bowl of chocolate ice-cream. Done out of his room in two seconds flat. Just so you know I refused to let him eat the bowl of ice cream! So he cried all the way to Kinder.
Nearly fell on my arse
Due to a faulty heel on my shoes today, but what did happen is the heel broke off, so I had to hobble home to change them in the middle of the day. These are new boots by the way!
The Afternoon
Normally this afternoon is my work from home afternoon, but I had a presentation I needed to go to and a meeting later in the afternoon, so I organised for DS to go to a friends house. I just had to leave work, pick him up from kinder, drop him at his friends and go back to work. Easy right? Should have only taken half an hour, it took an hour and a half. That time did include the broken heel while I was at the supermarket picking up a bread roll that DS wanted and wouldn't stop crying at his friends house about until he got it. I felt sorry for the family he was with so gave into him to make the trip to purchase said bread roll and return it to him before I went back to work *sigh*
I was supposed to meet the CEO of the company that offered me the job in Melbourne. I waited 45 minutes in the rain and wind to finally admit to myself that she wasn't coming. And now I had to drive home in peak hour traffic which I normally manage to avoid.
Now
All I wanted when I got home 50 minutes ago was a big hot bubble bath with scented candles and music, what I got was a 5 minute shower to the sound of the kids killing each other and a blocked drain. Oh I don't actually have a bath tub, so never going to happen.
The pizza has just arrived and the Yogi Bear movie is on, the kids have been instructed calmly that mummy needs some quiet time so enjoy the movie and eat your dinner out of the box.
It's nights like tonight that eating pizza on your bean bag in front of the TV is ok.
Waking Up
Instead of waking up to my alarm I woke up to the feeling of my PJ's getting all warm and soggy. No I didn't wet the bed but the little person next to me did. So half an hour before we needed to be up I was showering both of us and changing bed linen.
Getting Ready
It was a rare occasion that DS actually got dressed without too much fuss this morning except for a bumpy sock problem, we tried many socks the right way and inside out as well as different combinations of socks and shoes but the bumps weren't going away. I had the same issue as a kid so I didn't push the fact that it was raining and windy outside and not really a day for bare feet. I packed them in his bag and decided this morning the Kindy Teacher could deal with it.
Almost Called Emergency Services
After being up for two and half hours we were ready to leave the house. DD and I at the front door calling DS to come down stairs. No response ...
I go up stairs to find that he has closed his bedroom door then pulled out a draw so that I can't get in. I was now in the situation of trying to convince him to push the drawer back in so that I could get to him. There was only a centimeter wide gap for me to talk to him through. A strong NO was the answer I got. I spent ten minutes trying to talk him out and in my head I was thinking that my only option was to call the fire brigade. DD gave it a go offering him a teddy bear of his choice from her bedroom as well sleeping in her bed with her tonight ... NO
Sooooo I rang his father and put him on speaker phone to see if he could talk him out. Seeing as that failed I told his father that I was going to call for help. As there really was no way for me to get. His bedroom is on the second floor and the windows don't open more than a crack for safety reasons. His father said he would come over to see what he could do.
While waiting for his father DD tried again, she offered him a bowl of chocolate ice-cream. Done out of his room in two seconds flat. Just so you know I refused to let him eat the bowl of ice cream! So he cried all the way to Kinder.
Nearly fell on my arse
Due to a faulty heel on my shoes today, but what did happen is the heel broke off, so I had to hobble home to change them in the middle of the day. These are new boots by the way!
The Afternoon
Normally this afternoon is my work from home afternoon, but I had a presentation I needed to go to and a meeting later in the afternoon, so I organised for DS to go to a friends house. I just had to leave work, pick him up from kinder, drop him at his friends and go back to work. Easy right? Should have only taken half an hour, it took an hour and a half. That time did include the broken heel while I was at the supermarket picking up a bread roll that DS wanted and wouldn't stop crying at his friends house about until he got it. I felt sorry for the family he was with so gave into him to make the trip to purchase said bread roll and return it to him before I went back to work *sigh*
I was supposed to meet the CEO of the company that offered me the job in Melbourne. I waited 45 minutes in the rain and wind to finally admit to myself that she wasn't coming. And now I had to drive home in peak hour traffic which I normally manage to avoid.
Now
All I wanted when I got home 50 minutes ago was a big hot bubble bath with scented candles and music, what I got was a 5 minute shower to the sound of the kids killing each other and a blocked drain. Oh I don't actually have a bath tub, so never going to happen.
The pizza has just arrived and the Yogi Bear movie is on, the kids have been instructed calmly that mummy needs some quiet time so enjoy the movie and eat your dinner out of the box.
It's nights like tonight that eating pizza on your bean bag in front of the TV is ok.
Saturday, 5 April 2014
Vultures
Before you get started just a refresher on the acronyms I use:
I got a call today from DS Great Grandmother. Poor lady is in the midst of being harassed by this family, her blood. The vultures.
She rang to see if the children and I had received our Christmas presents, I told her no we hadn't. She was upset as she had sent them to my FIL to pass on. When she originally rang him for my address he refused to give it to her. He told her that he was not going to be the middle man, even though that is exactly what he did in regards to the passport arrangements at the end of last year.
I know I have mentioned the passport but don't think I have gone into any details and to lazy to read back through my posts to check, so here is the story.
I wanted to take DS home around Christmas last year. This was his second trip home with me as he makes it so difficult for me to organise trips with DS.
Here in New Zealand a passport application only needs one parent to sign, however the terms and conditions say when you sign that the other parent/guardian knows that you are submitting the passport application.
Well he submitted the application and never told me. When I rang the passport office about this they said that they had never been contacted before from the other parent saying they had never been told.
As far as he was concerned this then put him in charge of the passport and whether DS ever got to come home to visit the rest of his family.
After the first trip home I reluctantly returned gave the passport back to him, as I said I would and at the stage for what ever silly reason when it came t o him I was still trying to do right by him. When it came for the second trip I followed the protocol set out in mediation which was an email to him and DS lawyer, setting out departure and return dates. It was later in the evening that FIL rang me, calling on behalf of DS father. I was given a long list of conditions to meet before they would agree for me to take DS home to see his grand parents, aunty, cousins and my friends. As much as the conditions made my blood boil all I wanted was the passport so I could make the trip. I signed a piece of paper for them agreeing to the conditions but wasn't given the passport straight away. I had to wait until they were ready to hand it over.
Part of the agreement was that I would hand the passport back to FIL on my return, however in the agreement that they typed up they got the date wrong by a month. When FIL rang me to organise to pick up the passport I told him that as per the agreement I wasn't required to hand it back for another month. He wasn't happy. The next three days were constant phone calls on my mobile and home phone from him and his father. FIL kept coming around to the house knocking on the door which I ignored. By the end of day one I had the curtains closed and the phones on silent. I did pick up once or twice to be told that I was being sneaky and underhanded and that there would be legal consequences to me not giving them back the passport, even though the passport was gained illegally in the first place. I was told that I was not DS guardian and did not have a right to keep the passport. I spent three days to scared to pick up the phone or step outside my house.
Just I was ready to go to the police to see how I could stop the harassment they gave up. But I knew that they would start again when the date on the agreement rolled around.
And I was right, by 10am a month later, as per the date on the agreement they both started calling again. There was no talking reasonably to them. Anytime I tried to explain my thoughts and feelings they would hang up only to call back ten minutes later demanding I hand over the passport again.
The first thing I did that Monday was handed DS passport to his lawyer. What you would think was a reasonable solution. Not as far as those two are concerned, father and son obsessed by being in control always and in particular when it comes to women.
This passport saga continues with DS father accusing myself and DS lawyer of breaching a court order in relation to the passport. I have re-read that court order and it does not mention the passport ever. I feel like a gained a little power back on this one and that what I did by handing it over to the lawyer was the right thing to do.
So back to DS Great Grandmother, long story short she has made some plans in life that my FIL her SIL does not agree with and he is harassing her by phone and mail, threatening legal action on an 80 year old woman. It really does show that they are both cowards this father and son team, vultures!
- DS - Dear Son, my son
- DD - Dear Daughter, my daughter
- FIL - Father in Law
- SIL - Son in Law
I got a call today from DS Great Grandmother. Poor lady is in the midst of being harassed by this family, her blood. The vultures.
She rang to see if the children and I had received our Christmas presents, I told her no we hadn't. She was upset as she had sent them to my FIL to pass on. When she originally rang him for my address he refused to give it to her. He told her that he was not going to be the middle man, even though that is exactly what he did in regards to the passport arrangements at the end of last year.
I know I have mentioned the passport but don't think I have gone into any details and to lazy to read back through my posts to check, so here is the story.
I wanted to take DS home around Christmas last year. This was his second trip home with me as he makes it so difficult for me to organise trips with DS.
Here in New Zealand a passport application only needs one parent to sign, however the terms and conditions say when you sign that the other parent/guardian knows that you are submitting the passport application.
Well he submitted the application and never told me. When I rang the passport office about this they said that they had never been contacted before from the other parent saying they had never been told.
As far as he was concerned this then put him in charge of the passport and whether DS ever got to come home to visit the rest of his family.
After the first trip home I reluctantly returned gave the passport back to him, as I said I would and at the stage for what ever silly reason when it came t o him I was still trying to do right by him. When it came for the second trip I followed the protocol set out in mediation which was an email to him and DS lawyer, setting out departure and return dates. It was later in the evening that FIL rang me, calling on behalf of DS father. I was given a long list of conditions to meet before they would agree for me to take DS home to see his grand parents, aunty, cousins and my friends. As much as the conditions made my blood boil all I wanted was the passport so I could make the trip. I signed a piece of paper for them agreeing to the conditions but wasn't given the passport straight away. I had to wait until they were ready to hand it over.
Part of the agreement was that I would hand the passport back to FIL on my return, however in the agreement that they typed up they got the date wrong by a month. When FIL rang me to organise to pick up the passport I told him that as per the agreement I wasn't required to hand it back for another month. He wasn't happy. The next three days were constant phone calls on my mobile and home phone from him and his father. FIL kept coming around to the house knocking on the door which I ignored. By the end of day one I had the curtains closed and the phones on silent. I did pick up once or twice to be told that I was being sneaky and underhanded and that there would be legal consequences to me not giving them back the passport, even though the passport was gained illegally in the first place. I was told that I was not DS guardian and did not have a right to keep the passport. I spent three days to scared to pick up the phone or step outside my house.
Just I was ready to go to the police to see how I could stop the harassment they gave up. But I knew that they would start again when the date on the agreement rolled around.
And I was right, by 10am a month later, as per the date on the agreement they both started calling again. There was no talking reasonably to them. Anytime I tried to explain my thoughts and feelings they would hang up only to call back ten minutes later demanding I hand over the passport again.
The first thing I did that Monday was handed DS passport to his lawyer. What you would think was a reasonable solution. Not as far as those two are concerned, father and son obsessed by being in control always and in particular when it comes to women.
This passport saga continues with DS father accusing myself and DS lawyer of breaching a court order in relation to the passport. I have re-read that court order and it does not mention the passport ever. I feel like a gained a little power back on this one and that what I did by handing it over to the lawyer was the right thing to do.
So back to DS Great Grandmother, long story short she has made some plans in life that my FIL her SIL does not agree with and he is harassing her by phone and mail, threatening legal action on an 80 year old woman. It really does show that they are both cowards this father and son team, vultures!
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