INTENSE

What a week.  The week I had spent many hours in the middle of the night awake thinking about for the last  10 months.

I was terrified of how it would be.  The hearing was for relocation to Melbourne and at the last minute I also applied for full custody, and for the Judge to give me the guardianship rights to organise school and any care arrangements needed for DS week to week.  These things normally need to be organsied by the parents together but I had a strong case as to the detrimental effect this would have on DS given his fathers history with changing kindergartens.

I had in my head that the three day hearing would be me defending myself agaist some outrageous allegations made by him and also defending my request to return my children back to Melbourne where a better life awaits them.

I was anxious at the arrival of my mum and dad from melboure who had been called as witnesses.  There were some things that I needed to tell them before the made their way to the witness stand,  and these weren't easy things.

My manager at work had always known what was going on but I decided to tell my team the week before the hearing.  They were all amazingly supportive with most them texting me last week-end to wish me the best of luck.

I didn't know I was capable of absorbing and coping with so much stress and anxiety as I had in the week leading up to the hearing. 

Life here had been pretty ugly over the last five years and there was a lot to relive in those three days for the sake of the judge.  Most of it written here in my blog, but like always not everything is here.  Some things that are still held in my head and heart I can't yet let out, and have never told anybody.

I had represented myself up to the last week of July, this was to reduce costs as I am barely able to meet the fortnightly payments I am making to my lawyer.  He has been there the whole ten months just waiting to jump in at the last minute.

He is amazing ... human.  He had prepared me for the worst and hugged me at the end.  I know it's his job and I am paying him, but this guy cared.  He cared for what was right for the children and what was right for me.  He was organised, prepared and super smart.  He nailed it like an episode of Boston Legal. 

The hearing had been set for three days, with nine witnesses; some professionals and the remainder us and family.  There were three lawyers; mine, his and DS was represented as well.  The Judge we had seen before and knew our case well.

By lunch time on the first day I knew I was going to me ok.  Although I was feeling OK I never let my guard down.  I was always waiting for that moment that would make my tummy turn and the tears start.  There were no tears at all through the whole process. 

Things were focused on the domestic violence that the children and I had lived with.   As well as the in-stable environment that he had created for DS.  I wasn't cross examined for as long as I thought nor were the questions as bad as I had prepared myself for.  My parents time was also minimal.

Alot of time was spent with him and his parents, made to accept as individuals that  their behaviour had been harassment and his father asked had he ever apologised to me for what he had put me through.

The feeling of justice and liberty is indescribable.  For years I had listened to him blame me for everything.  Regardless of the outcome to relocate this has been an amazing part of the journey to healing.  That it was acknowledged and recorded that he and his family behaviour was wrong.  So wrong that it has and will have an impact on the children.  If nothing else maybe it will deter them from behaving this way again with my family.

The Judge will take till the end of the month to make a decision.  If he grants my application to relocate there is an appeals process that he can go through.  I am pretty much expecting that to happen.  My lawyer and I have already started discussing our plan for that outcome.

Regardless of what the next few weeks may bring, I feel free.  



Please feel free to share my blog, my story.  It may give somebody the courage to fight when they didn't think that they could.