An elusive title perhaps, but the best use of words to express how I feel at the moment., it is indescribable; yet I am going to try. When I feel this way and I write here I often walk away feeling a little clearer and lighter.
I feel it in my heart and in my tummy, and my brain seems to get on board, over thinking how I feel so as to try and find a solution to either enjoy it or stop it..
To the likes of a magic potion where a little bit of this and a little bit of that are thrown together, creating feelings that are both euphoric yet also have me feeling melancholy.
It makes me feel a little like a crazy person, a little whacky. And it makes me feel tired, it wears me out as I try to stablise my inside emotions with how my outside is behaving.
I don't like not knowing how I feel and why, it makes me feel vulnerable. Yet most of the time there is not enough time for me to spend trying to figure it out as my attention is needed elsewhere, on children or work, so I then I just simply put up with how it feels. And it feels uncomfortable. Sometimes it makes me want to run, sometimes it makes me want to sleep. I feel stuck inside myself scratching to get out, and then stuck on the outside wanting to curl up and hide away on the inside.
Sometimes it is painful, and all I want is to escape from it or to dull the intensity of it ...
Yet I am patient, I know it will subside and I will gain control again. Surrounding myself with things that make me happy; my favorite people, music, movies etc.
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