With Grace and Strength

Today marks two years since he was arrested and he was no longer living in the house with us.

DD name means with grace and DS name means with strength and this will be my next tattoo, along the side of my foot.  It will say 'With Grace and Strength'.  I have decided to have it on my foot as it represents both of my children and each step I make in life is for them.  I make those steps with, I believe, grace and  all though there have been dark days I rely on my strength to get myself and the children through.

The first week was horrible, I had to figure out how to be a full time mum with a full time job, all the while continuing to study towards my degree.  I had to juggle making care arrangements for the children while also making applications in the court to stop him coming back.

But I did it.  It is doable even in the hardest of circumstance like not having family close by to help me.

In two years I have completed my Diploma of Management, which is also my first year of my degree.

I have exceed at work and been recognised for it.  Going to work I believe is what helped me stay sane.  It was by no means easy, life was and is always hectic but it helps maintain routine.  As well as the social aspect was healing not that I told anybody what was happening at the time.  These days I think most people know and some even read this blog and I am comfortable with that.  It is what it is, and I refuse to hide that part of my life away for the sake of others.

DD is growing into a beautiful young women, no longer tormented by him or by witnessing what he used to do to me. I have noticed a big change in her and the reinforces for me that I have done the right thing.

DS is finally settling into his new routine.  And I give him all the cuddles and kisses that a little boy of his age needs when he is with me. Even though he protests most of the time, telling me to leave him alone.

I have managed to financially support this household by myself.   No assistance, either government or child support.  It is just me which is why it is so important that I continue to develop myself as I'm thinking these kids are only going to get more expensive the bigger they get.  And I don't want for them to want for anything.  I want to help them buy theirs first cars and I want to support them through university.  I want to own my own home again one day, so that it is ours.  So that I can decorate their bedrooms for them. 

Although the last six months have seen me hit the lowest of lows, it has also given me more strength by letting  you all know my story.

My life feels so different now than it did two years ago, it has more hope than it had had for the longest time.  I have learnt not to keep everything in on the inside, that a problem shared is a problem halved.  I have learnt not to be sad at the thought of being a single mum with two children rather to embrace our family unit for what it is, special and unique, us.

As I sit here typing I know I am only months away from knowing if we can come home.  I have an awesome job to return to and a home with my parents to help me get back on my feet. Family and friends standing on the sidelines cheering us on, giving us love and strength that we are going to need to get through this.