As in angry pissed, not drunk pissed.
So using a post to vent, as an hour and half after DS was due home, he still isn't.
Having had his father start the day with many phone calls about crap and now telling me we did not agree on a drop off time.
ANGRY is an understatement of how I feel right now. And I haven't felt this upset in months, so I should be grateful for that.
Why is this man such a lying decietfull douche bag. What is missing in his head to think that this is ok.
So DS is now missing out on a play date with his bestie becuase his father is a f**k wit.
I hate this feeling of extreme anger and loss of control because of somebody elses actions. Sitting here waiting with no idea when he will be home.
So over it ... so, so, so over it.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
That is all.
Wednesday, 30 April 2014
Sunday, 13 April 2014
With Grace and Strength
Today marks two years since he was arrested and he was no longer living in the house with us.
DD name means with grace and DS name means with strength and this will be my next tattoo, along the side of my foot. It will say 'With Grace and Strength'. I have decided to have it on my foot as it represents both of my children and each step I make in life is for them. I make those steps with, I believe, grace and all though there have been dark days I rely on my strength to get myself and the children through.
The first week was horrible, I had to figure out how to be a full time mum with a full time job, all the while continuing to study towards my degree. I had to juggle making care arrangements for the children while also making applications in the court to stop him coming back.
But I did it. It is doable even in the hardest of circumstance like not having family close by to help me.
In two years I have completed my Diploma of Management, which is also my first year of my degree.
I have exceed at work and been recognised for it. Going to work I believe is what helped me stay sane. It was by no means easy, life was and is always hectic but it helps maintain routine. As well as the social aspect was healing not that I told anybody what was happening at the time. These days I think most people know and some even read this blog and I am comfortable with that. It is what it is, and I refuse to hide that part of my life away for the sake of others.
DD is growing into a beautiful young women, no longer tormented by him or by witnessing what he used to do to me. I have noticed a big change in her and the reinforces for me that I have done the right thing.
DS is finally settling into his new routine. And I give him all the cuddles and kisses that a little boy of his age needs when he is with me. Even though he protests most of the time, telling me to leave him alone.
I have managed to financially support this household by myself. No assistance, either government or child support. It is just me which is why it is so important that I continue to develop myself as I'm thinking these kids are only going to get more expensive the bigger they get. And I don't want for them to want for anything. I want to help them buy theirs first cars and I want to support them through university. I want to own my own home again one day, so that it is ours. So that I can decorate their bedrooms for them.
Although the last six months have seen me hit the lowest of lows, it has also given me more strength by letting you all know my story.
My life feels so different now than it did two years ago, it has more hope than it had had for the longest time. I have learnt not to keep everything in on the inside, that a problem shared is a problem halved. I have learnt not to be sad at the thought of being a single mum with two children rather to embrace our family unit for what it is, special and unique, us.
As I sit here typing I know I am only months away from knowing if we can come home. I have an awesome job to return to and a home with my parents to help me get back on my feet. Family and friends standing on the sidelines cheering us on, giving us love and strength that we are going to need to get through this.
DD name means with grace and DS name means with strength and this will be my next tattoo, along the side of my foot. It will say 'With Grace and Strength'. I have decided to have it on my foot as it represents both of my children and each step I make in life is for them. I make those steps with, I believe, grace and all though there have been dark days I rely on my strength to get myself and the children through.
The first week was horrible, I had to figure out how to be a full time mum with a full time job, all the while continuing to study towards my degree. I had to juggle making care arrangements for the children while also making applications in the court to stop him coming back.
But I did it. It is doable even in the hardest of circumstance like not having family close by to help me.
In two years I have completed my Diploma of Management, which is also my first year of my degree.
I have exceed at work and been recognised for it. Going to work I believe is what helped me stay sane. It was by no means easy, life was and is always hectic but it helps maintain routine. As well as the social aspect was healing not that I told anybody what was happening at the time. These days I think most people know and some even read this blog and I am comfortable with that. It is what it is, and I refuse to hide that part of my life away for the sake of others.
DD is growing into a beautiful young women, no longer tormented by him or by witnessing what he used to do to me. I have noticed a big change in her and the reinforces for me that I have done the right thing.
DS is finally settling into his new routine. And I give him all the cuddles and kisses that a little boy of his age needs when he is with me. Even though he protests most of the time, telling me to leave him alone.
I have managed to financially support this household by myself. No assistance, either government or child support. It is just me which is why it is so important that I continue to develop myself as I'm thinking these kids are only going to get more expensive the bigger they get. And I don't want for them to want for anything. I want to help them buy theirs first cars and I want to support them through university. I want to own my own home again one day, so that it is ours. So that I can decorate their bedrooms for them.
Although the last six months have seen me hit the lowest of lows, it has also given me more strength by letting you all know my story.
My life feels so different now than it did two years ago, it has more hope than it had had for the longest time. I have learnt not to keep everything in on the inside, that a problem shared is a problem halved. I have learnt not to be sad at the thought of being a single mum with two children rather to embrace our family unit for what it is, special and unique, us.
As I sit here typing I know I am only months away from knowing if we can come home. I have an awesome job to return to and a home with my parents to help me get back on my feet. Family and friends standing on the sidelines cheering us on, giving us love and strength that we are going to need to get through this.
Thursday, 10 April 2014
Today was Thursday
I know I have mentioned a few times how I get asked alot how do I do it, manage my life that is. Most days run pretty well and then the universe throws a day like today at me.
Waking Up
Instead of waking up to my alarm I woke up to the feeling of my PJ's getting all warm and soggy. No I didn't wet the bed but the little person next to me did. So half an hour before we needed to be up I was showering both of us and changing bed linen.
Getting Ready
It was a rare occasion that DS actually got dressed without too much fuss this morning except for a bumpy sock problem, we tried many socks the right way and inside out as well as different combinations of socks and shoes but the bumps weren't going away. I had the same issue as a kid so I didn't push the fact that it was raining and windy outside and not really a day for bare feet. I packed them in his bag and decided this morning the Kindy Teacher could deal with it.
Almost Called Emergency Services
After being up for two and half hours we were ready to leave the house. DD and I at the front door calling DS to come down stairs. No response ...
I go up stairs to find that he has closed his bedroom door then pulled out a draw so that I can't get in. I was now in the situation of trying to convince him to push the drawer back in so that I could get to him. There was only a centimeter wide gap for me to talk to him through. A strong NO was the answer I got. I spent ten minutes trying to talk him out and in my head I was thinking that my only option was to call the fire brigade. DD gave it a go offering him a teddy bear of his choice from her bedroom as well sleeping in her bed with her tonight ... NO
Sooooo I rang his father and put him on speaker phone to see if he could talk him out. Seeing as that failed I told his father that I was going to call for help. As there really was no way for me to get. His bedroom is on the second floor and the windows don't open more than a crack for safety reasons. His father said he would come over to see what he could do.
While waiting for his father DD tried again, she offered him a bowl of chocolate ice-cream. Done out of his room in two seconds flat. Just so you know I refused to let him eat the bowl of ice cream! So he cried all the way to Kinder.
Nearly fell on my arse
Due to a faulty heel on my shoes today, but what did happen is the heel broke off, so I had to hobble home to change them in the middle of the day. These are new boots by the way!
The Afternoon
Normally this afternoon is my work from home afternoon, but I had a presentation I needed to go to and a meeting later in the afternoon, so I organised for DS to go to a friends house. I just had to leave work, pick him up from kinder, drop him at his friends and go back to work. Easy right? Should have only taken half an hour, it took an hour and a half. That time did include the broken heel while I was at the supermarket picking up a bread roll that DS wanted and wouldn't stop crying at his friends house about until he got it. I felt sorry for the family he was with so gave into him to make the trip to purchase said bread roll and return it to him before I went back to work *sigh*
I was supposed to meet the CEO of the company that offered me the job in Melbourne. I waited 45 minutes in the rain and wind to finally admit to myself that she wasn't coming. And now I had to drive home in peak hour traffic which I normally manage to avoid.
Now
All I wanted when I got home 50 minutes ago was a big hot bubble bath with scented candles and music, what I got was a 5 minute shower to the sound of the kids killing each other and a blocked drain. Oh I don't actually have a bath tub, so never going to happen.
The pizza has just arrived and the Yogi Bear movie is on, the kids have been instructed calmly that mummy needs some quiet time so enjoy the movie and eat your dinner out of the box.
It's nights like tonight that eating pizza on your bean bag in front of the TV is ok.
Waking Up
Instead of waking up to my alarm I woke up to the feeling of my PJ's getting all warm and soggy. No I didn't wet the bed but the little person next to me did. So half an hour before we needed to be up I was showering both of us and changing bed linen.
Getting Ready
It was a rare occasion that DS actually got dressed without too much fuss this morning except for a bumpy sock problem, we tried many socks the right way and inside out as well as different combinations of socks and shoes but the bumps weren't going away. I had the same issue as a kid so I didn't push the fact that it was raining and windy outside and not really a day for bare feet. I packed them in his bag and decided this morning the Kindy Teacher could deal with it.
Almost Called Emergency Services
After being up for two and half hours we were ready to leave the house. DD and I at the front door calling DS to come down stairs. No response ...
I go up stairs to find that he has closed his bedroom door then pulled out a draw so that I can't get in. I was now in the situation of trying to convince him to push the drawer back in so that I could get to him. There was only a centimeter wide gap for me to talk to him through. A strong NO was the answer I got. I spent ten minutes trying to talk him out and in my head I was thinking that my only option was to call the fire brigade. DD gave it a go offering him a teddy bear of his choice from her bedroom as well sleeping in her bed with her tonight ... NO
Sooooo I rang his father and put him on speaker phone to see if he could talk him out. Seeing as that failed I told his father that I was going to call for help. As there really was no way for me to get. His bedroom is on the second floor and the windows don't open more than a crack for safety reasons. His father said he would come over to see what he could do.
While waiting for his father DD tried again, she offered him a bowl of chocolate ice-cream. Done out of his room in two seconds flat. Just so you know I refused to let him eat the bowl of ice cream! So he cried all the way to Kinder.
Nearly fell on my arse
Due to a faulty heel on my shoes today, but what did happen is the heel broke off, so I had to hobble home to change them in the middle of the day. These are new boots by the way!
The Afternoon
Normally this afternoon is my work from home afternoon, but I had a presentation I needed to go to and a meeting later in the afternoon, so I organised for DS to go to a friends house. I just had to leave work, pick him up from kinder, drop him at his friends and go back to work. Easy right? Should have only taken half an hour, it took an hour and a half. That time did include the broken heel while I was at the supermarket picking up a bread roll that DS wanted and wouldn't stop crying at his friends house about until he got it. I felt sorry for the family he was with so gave into him to make the trip to purchase said bread roll and return it to him before I went back to work *sigh*
I was supposed to meet the CEO of the company that offered me the job in Melbourne. I waited 45 minutes in the rain and wind to finally admit to myself that she wasn't coming. And now I had to drive home in peak hour traffic which I normally manage to avoid.
Now
All I wanted when I got home 50 minutes ago was a big hot bubble bath with scented candles and music, what I got was a 5 minute shower to the sound of the kids killing each other and a blocked drain. Oh I don't actually have a bath tub, so never going to happen.
The pizza has just arrived and the Yogi Bear movie is on, the kids have been instructed calmly that mummy needs some quiet time so enjoy the movie and eat your dinner out of the box.
It's nights like tonight that eating pizza on your bean bag in front of the TV is ok.
Saturday, 5 April 2014
Vultures
Before you get started just a refresher on the acronyms I use:
I got a call today from DS Great Grandmother. Poor lady is in the midst of being harassed by this family, her blood. The vultures.
She rang to see if the children and I had received our Christmas presents, I told her no we hadn't. She was upset as she had sent them to my FIL to pass on. When she originally rang him for my address he refused to give it to her. He told her that he was not going to be the middle man, even though that is exactly what he did in regards to the passport arrangements at the end of last year.
I know I have mentioned the passport but don't think I have gone into any details and to lazy to read back through my posts to check, so here is the story.
I wanted to take DS home around Christmas last year. This was his second trip home with me as he makes it so difficult for me to organise trips with DS.
Here in New Zealand a passport application only needs one parent to sign, however the terms and conditions say when you sign that the other parent/guardian knows that you are submitting the passport application.
Well he submitted the application and never told me. When I rang the passport office about this they said that they had never been contacted before from the other parent saying they had never been told.
As far as he was concerned this then put him in charge of the passport and whether DS ever got to come home to visit the rest of his family.
After the first trip home I reluctantly returned gave the passport back to him, as I said I would and at the stage for what ever silly reason when it came t o him I was still trying to do right by him. When it came for the second trip I followed the protocol set out in mediation which was an email to him and DS lawyer, setting out departure and return dates. It was later in the evening that FIL rang me, calling on behalf of DS father. I was given a long list of conditions to meet before they would agree for me to take DS home to see his grand parents, aunty, cousins and my friends. As much as the conditions made my blood boil all I wanted was the passport so I could make the trip. I signed a piece of paper for them agreeing to the conditions but wasn't given the passport straight away. I had to wait until they were ready to hand it over.
Part of the agreement was that I would hand the passport back to FIL on my return, however in the agreement that they typed up they got the date wrong by a month. When FIL rang me to organise to pick up the passport I told him that as per the agreement I wasn't required to hand it back for another month. He wasn't happy. The next three days were constant phone calls on my mobile and home phone from him and his father. FIL kept coming around to the house knocking on the door which I ignored. By the end of day one I had the curtains closed and the phones on silent. I did pick up once or twice to be told that I was being sneaky and underhanded and that there would be legal consequences to me not giving them back the passport, even though the passport was gained illegally in the first place. I was told that I was not DS guardian and did not have a right to keep the passport. I spent three days to scared to pick up the phone or step outside my house.
Just I was ready to go to the police to see how I could stop the harassment they gave up. But I knew that they would start again when the date on the agreement rolled around.
And I was right, by 10am a month later, as per the date on the agreement they both started calling again. There was no talking reasonably to them. Anytime I tried to explain my thoughts and feelings they would hang up only to call back ten minutes later demanding I hand over the passport again.
The first thing I did that Monday was handed DS passport to his lawyer. What you would think was a reasonable solution. Not as far as those two are concerned, father and son obsessed by being in control always and in particular when it comes to women.
This passport saga continues with DS father accusing myself and DS lawyer of breaching a court order in relation to the passport. I have re-read that court order and it does not mention the passport ever. I feel like a gained a little power back on this one and that what I did by handing it over to the lawyer was the right thing to do.
So back to DS Great Grandmother, long story short she has made some plans in life that my FIL her SIL does not agree with and he is harassing her by phone and mail, threatening legal action on an 80 year old woman. It really does show that they are both cowards this father and son team, vultures!
- DS - Dear Son, my son
- DD - Dear Daughter, my daughter
- FIL - Father in Law
- SIL - Son in Law
I got a call today from DS Great Grandmother. Poor lady is in the midst of being harassed by this family, her blood. The vultures.
She rang to see if the children and I had received our Christmas presents, I told her no we hadn't. She was upset as she had sent them to my FIL to pass on. When she originally rang him for my address he refused to give it to her. He told her that he was not going to be the middle man, even though that is exactly what he did in regards to the passport arrangements at the end of last year.
I know I have mentioned the passport but don't think I have gone into any details and to lazy to read back through my posts to check, so here is the story.
I wanted to take DS home around Christmas last year. This was his second trip home with me as he makes it so difficult for me to organise trips with DS.
Here in New Zealand a passport application only needs one parent to sign, however the terms and conditions say when you sign that the other parent/guardian knows that you are submitting the passport application.
Well he submitted the application and never told me. When I rang the passport office about this they said that they had never been contacted before from the other parent saying they had never been told.
As far as he was concerned this then put him in charge of the passport and whether DS ever got to come home to visit the rest of his family.
After the first trip home I reluctantly returned gave the passport back to him, as I said I would and at the stage for what ever silly reason when it came t o him I was still trying to do right by him. When it came for the second trip I followed the protocol set out in mediation which was an email to him and DS lawyer, setting out departure and return dates. It was later in the evening that FIL rang me, calling on behalf of DS father. I was given a long list of conditions to meet before they would agree for me to take DS home to see his grand parents, aunty, cousins and my friends. As much as the conditions made my blood boil all I wanted was the passport so I could make the trip. I signed a piece of paper for them agreeing to the conditions but wasn't given the passport straight away. I had to wait until they were ready to hand it over.
Part of the agreement was that I would hand the passport back to FIL on my return, however in the agreement that they typed up they got the date wrong by a month. When FIL rang me to organise to pick up the passport I told him that as per the agreement I wasn't required to hand it back for another month. He wasn't happy. The next three days were constant phone calls on my mobile and home phone from him and his father. FIL kept coming around to the house knocking on the door which I ignored. By the end of day one I had the curtains closed and the phones on silent. I did pick up once or twice to be told that I was being sneaky and underhanded and that there would be legal consequences to me not giving them back the passport, even though the passport was gained illegally in the first place. I was told that I was not DS guardian and did not have a right to keep the passport. I spent three days to scared to pick up the phone or step outside my house.
Just I was ready to go to the police to see how I could stop the harassment they gave up. But I knew that they would start again when the date on the agreement rolled around.
And I was right, by 10am a month later, as per the date on the agreement they both started calling again. There was no talking reasonably to them. Anytime I tried to explain my thoughts and feelings they would hang up only to call back ten minutes later demanding I hand over the passport again.
The first thing I did that Monday was handed DS passport to his lawyer. What you would think was a reasonable solution. Not as far as those two are concerned, father and son obsessed by being in control always and in particular when it comes to women.
This passport saga continues with DS father accusing myself and DS lawyer of breaching a court order in relation to the passport. I have re-read that court order and it does not mention the passport ever. I feel like a gained a little power back on this one and that what I did by handing it over to the lawyer was the right thing to do.
So back to DS Great Grandmother, long story short she has made some plans in life that my FIL her SIL does not agree with and he is harassing her by phone and mail, threatening legal action on an 80 year old woman. It really does show that they are both cowards this father and son team, vultures!
Thursday, 3 April 2014
Mummy stop the coughers
Still trying to overcome my case of the meh's, but realised I hadn't been exercising as much lately. So the last few days I have made it my priority to get out and walk up the 2.5km hill near my house. Starting to feel order return to my world :O)
Moving onto matter's of shared parenting ... Even though things have been quite the last wee while the last two weeks have been frustrating.
DS is hardly ever sick, however about two weeks ago I noticed he had a high tempature and was coughing alot. We got through the weekend with pamol and rest. When his father picked him up I gave him a run down of the situation and asked that he keep me updated on how he was going while DS was with him. This was on Monday morning a week ago.
When I picked DS up from kinder Wednesday week ago he was still quite unwell. I made a doctors appointment for the next morning. We had a long night as DS didn't sleep well as his coughing kept him awake. Asking me through out the night to make the coughers stop.
We went to the GP appointment last Thursday and I explained to her his condition and it was after this that she let me know that she had seen DS on the Tuesday and nobody had bothered to tell me. When she had seen DS on Tuesday she suggested that he had a virus to his father. Two days later she was suggesting that it may be bacterial because DS wasn't improving. So as his doctor and mother we decided to proceed with a course of antibiotics.
When I got home I rang DS father to let him know that I had taken him to the doctors and that I had picked up the antibiotics and was starting them that morning. We were both in agreement that it was the best thing to do as we didn't want DS to go down hill and end up with something nasty. He called back about two hours later wanting to know which GP I had seen as he wanted to go in and talk to them. I explained that as a grown and mature adult I fully comprehended the conversation I had with the GP and there was no need for him to go in.
The next day DS was back with his father for the weekend as well as the Monday and Tuesday. I packed the antibiotics in his bag when he left.
DS father called me yesterday morning to let me know that he was still coughing but seemed to have improved. I asked had he completed the course of antibiotics that I had started and the answer was no. I picked up DS a few hours later from kinder and it was obvious that he was not ok. I checked in with the kinder teachers and they had noticed that he had been lethargic all week and not himself. I was so angry, this was not a game of control between two parents this is our son's health. After multiple calls to my mum I decide to call DS lawyer and ask her advice. She was not impressed either in particular that the antibiotics had been started and not completed. She has sent him a letter today expressing her concern for his lack communication with me and that he did not administer the medication that I had started under the advice of DS doctor.
I decided to take DS to another medical center last night for a second opinion and swabs were done to rule out a few things. I am still waiting for the results while DS continues to keep himself awake at night coughing.
On another note while the undie problem has disappeared, the replacement is the lunch box! And while the Judge instructed him not to come to my house outside of pick up/drop off times he doesn't seem to have paid much attention. Most days that DS is with me he finds a reason to drop something off.
Moving onto matter's of shared parenting ... Even though things have been quite the last wee while the last two weeks have been frustrating.
DS is hardly ever sick, however about two weeks ago I noticed he had a high tempature and was coughing alot. We got through the weekend with pamol and rest. When his father picked him up I gave him a run down of the situation and asked that he keep me updated on how he was going while DS was with him. This was on Monday morning a week ago.
When I picked DS up from kinder Wednesday week ago he was still quite unwell. I made a doctors appointment for the next morning. We had a long night as DS didn't sleep well as his coughing kept him awake. Asking me through out the night to make the coughers stop.
We went to the GP appointment last Thursday and I explained to her his condition and it was after this that she let me know that she had seen DS on the Tuesday and nobody had bothered to tell me. When she had seen DS on Tuesday she suggested that he had a virus to his father. Two days later she was suggesting that it may be bacterial because DS wasn't improving. So as his doctor and mother we decided to proceed with a course of antibiotics.
When I got home I rang DS father to let him know that I had taken him to the doctors and that I had picked up the antibiotics and was starting them that morning. We were both in agreement that it was the best thing to do as we didn't want DS to go down hill and end up with something nasty. He called back about two hours later wanting to know which GP I had seen as he wanted to go in and talk to them. I explained that as a grown and mature adult I fully comprehended the conversation I had with the GP and there was no need for him to go in.
The next day DS was back with his father for the weekend as well as the Monday and Tuesday. I packed the antibiotics in his bag when he left.
DS father called me yesterday morning to let me know that he was still coughing but seemed to have improved. I asked had he completed the course of antibiotics that I had started and the answer was no. I picked up DS a few hours later from kinder and it was obvious that he was not ok. I checked in with the kinder teachers and they had noticed that he had been lethargic all week and not himself. I was so angry, this was not a game of control between two parents this is our son's health. After multiple calls to my mum I decide to call DS lawyer and ask her advice. She was not impressed either in particular that the antibiotics had been started and not completed. She has sent him a letter today expressing her concern for his lack communication with me and that he did not administer the medication that I had started under the advice of DS doctor.
I decided to take DS to another medical center last night for a second opinion and swabs were done to rule out a few things. I am still waiting for the results while DS continues to keep himself awake at night coughing.
On another note while the undie problem has disappeared, the replacement is the lunch box! And while the Judge instructed him not to come to my house outside of pick up/drop off times he doesn't seem to have paid much attention. Most days that DS is with me he finds a reason to drop something off.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)